The word Blog has got to be the stupidest word in the history of words. Seriously…blog? I remember the first time I heard the word, I thought “What the fuck does blog mean? Why the fuck is blogging cool now? How could the word blog be even remotely cool?” Blogging was something reserved only for intense techie-nerds or desparately lonely internet sad sacks with no real human friends. Guys who can’t get anyone to listen to their bullshit theories or deep, dark feelings because, well, no real people would want to hear about them. I thought blogging was a stupid fad that would never last and was a waste of human efforts.

It’s the same attitude I had about cell phones and the internet. Shows how smart I am.

Personally, my road to becoming a blogger began long ago, six years to be exact. Around the turn of the century I dropped out of college (CU Boulder) to work and be a worthless bum (and yes, I moved into my mom’s house). I got a job as a lowly land surveyor for a company owned by whacky farm boys who talked as much about biscuits and gravy as they did about company business (seriously, sausage gravy is a very delicate thing, difficult to perfect). One constant truth that existed living within hours, days, months, and eventually years of rat racing in the middle of America at the turn of the century is that a person has little reason or motivation to write papers. How rare it was that I felt inclined to take a point, form a thesis, and turn it into a well composed essay expressing effectively to others my thoughts. That was what completely went away when I left school.

I know what you’re thinking…so the fuck what, right? Why would a slightly overweight slacker like myself want to write? Shouldn’t I be content coming home from work eating giant burritos, Subway, and box after box of Oreo cookies (while watching ER reruns (the good years when Clooney was still there))? Well I did miss it…a lot. But I didn’t realize it. So what happened? My need to analyze, write, proofread, and re-write started manifesting itself…in emails!

I started sending lengthy messages to my friends–especially the ones whom were more than friends (or at least whom I wanted to be more than friends but whom would not sleep with me or whisper sweet nothings in my ear in a million years)–about whatever concept I was over-analyzing at the time. I would send people emails with brilliant titles such as “Movies as Life” or “Desparation Is a Stinky Cologne” (an analysis of being a loser in the dating world and how to cope with it) or “Top Ten Sports Movies Ever” or “Top Ten Movies Of 2003″. After about 1000 of these marathon emails, one thing remained constant: nobody ever really responded. The average response was “Hahaha, that’s funny. Hope you’re doing well! -Jess”.

I was writing all of that drivel to get other people to write equally whacky drivel right back…but it wasn’t happening. At all. Not that my friends didn’t have the ability or desire to talk at length about how the movie Bull Durham relates to their own personal lives or how being a sports fan actually IS a life or death situation, they just didn’t want to take the time to write about it like I did.

I needed a new venue, and that venue is a blog. So that’s why I’m here now, starting this blog. I don’t know if anyone will ever read it, or give a flying shit about what I’m saying, but it’ll sure beat annoying friends and loved ones by clogging up their inboxes with over analysis.

So Blog world…I salute you. You are officially the new cell phone (which I also swore I would never get (am I that big of an idiot?)).

Enjoy my drivel…